I Want my $7.50 Back French Animators!

December 12, 2008

Short by Marie

Short by Marie Caillou for 'Fear(s) of the Dark'

The expectations going into foreign film Fear(s) of the Dark might have been a little high. But, come on, it’s the French! Aren’t they known for being on-edge and inspiring? Unbeknown to me … The movie fucking sucked.

With acclaimed visual masterminds Blutch, Charles Burns, Marie Caillou, Pierre di Sciullo, Lorenzo Mattotti and Richard McGuire, the flick should have amazed. Credited to bring fears and terrors to the minds of children and adults alike … these tales leave questions unanswered and terrify nobody.

Here’s a little rundown on each of the so-called nightmares:

1) A nerd who is fascinated by insects fucks a female mutant and becomes a pregnant egg-carrier for the rest of his life.

2) Little girl gets picked on at school and possessed by samurai before killing her parents.

3) Crocodile terrorizes town, but mysterious boy could be the creature killing people.

4) Man breaks into dark house during blizzard and crazy woman tries to kill him.

5) Evil man with four beastly dogs goes on rampage and attacks the helpless.

6) Oh, and my personal favorite, disembodied voice rambling about scary things with black and white shapes flying across the screen.

And while my tastes for animation are a little amateurish … I don’t even know what liquid television is? A few of the shorts did entertain visually. However, that does not excuse the films lack of storyline and frights.

Bottom line: The music in the first two minutes of the film is scarier than the 85 minutes of crap these people certified as cinema.

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